Fireworks and Identity

I remember going to Fairbanks Park when I was younger on July 4th to watch the fireworks show. We used to buy sparklers and light them up right before the show started; spelling words in the air with the blazing orange light. I used to think about how pretty the lights were but never understood why the show existed. I knew Independence Day represented freedom and liberty; but, why should I celebrate freedom when I felt imprisoned by my "Americaness?" On one hand, I've never really considered myself to be Indian. I still don't think I've processed the fact that my skin is brown, not white. On the other hand, some of my classmates only saw me as Indian, as foreign; and hence, the butt of all the "jokes." To me, Independence Day represented and still represents my unknown place in the world. I hope to one day understand my identity; however, until that day Independence Day will continue to be a bittersweet mix of fireworks and lost identity. 

I don't know why my identity as an Indian-American offended so many people. But looking back, I regret not asking them what about me bothered them so much. What about my existence threatened them so much that hurting me was the only way they could process it? I wish I could understand, not to change myself but to create a place of discussion and connection. 

Seek connection to those who are threatened by your existence.